


you are my spotlight, my solace

by jjokkiri



Series: monsta x bingo (winter 2017) [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Changkyun centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Idol Life, Light Angst, M/M, Mild/Implied Sexual Content, Monsta X Bingo, OT7 Dynamics, mention of no.mercy, mentions of the other members, underlying romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9613373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: Sometimes, Changkyun still feels left out, but he’s learned to love them; learned to forgive them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the _Idol Life/Real Life Representation_ square of [Monsta X Bingo](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/MXbingo), and for the sake of the self-indulgent shipping of my beloved, precious, underrated ship.

He sees what they say about him on the news websites; the comments, the news articles and everything floating around the net in the form of social media posts. Sometimes, there are nasty comments about how he didn’t deserve his position in the band, and that he isn’t talented enough to have _stolen_ someone else’s spot in the band. Truth is, they were all terrified of the idea of not being able to grasp their chance of debut. They all were, so Changkyun couldn’t blame them for the hostile way they’d treated him, when he was introduced to them.

In that time, they were all rivals of each other without a doubt; friendship mattered not, because in the end, it was being able to prove your worth to the public. He joined them later, and he’d been able to prove to the company that he was ready to step onto the stage and make a name for the band. Changkyun’s heart ached for those who didn’t make it, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t happy to be named as someone worthy to be a part of MONSTA X. Sometimes, the nasty comments still bring him down.

But, the fans flood the nasty comments with kind words and reassurance that he deserved to be where he was and that his talent was enough to justify his position in the band. Changkyun never quite doubted his ability to rap, all other things aside, but sometimes, that reassurance from the fans (the promise that they love him for who he is and that they love MONSTA X as they are) meant everything in the world to him. Especially on days when his mood was off.

Sometimes, Changkyun still feels left out, because the other members have known one another for so much longer. Sometimes, he finds himself thinking about how the members had declared on television that they didn’t want to be his friend. It’s a lot better than it was, now that they’re one and supporting one another, because they have to, but Changkyun still thought about it.

He thought about what the older members truly thought of him, even though to the public eye, they promised that they loved him. It had gotten so much better, since No.Mercy, because they don’t look at him with eyes of disdain and don’t accuse him of being privileged, anymore. Sometimes, the netizens do bring it back up and it bothered him, but Kihyun always seemed to read his mood and urge the other members to console him.

And there are times when Changkyun pauses and asks himself: _are they just doing this because they feel sorry for me?_ But, there was a clear, undeniable genuinity in the way Hyungwon glared at the people who prodded at his soft spots; the way Kihyun’s head threw back as he laughed at one of Changkyun’s jokes; the way Hoseok wrapped his arms around him and smiled at him; the way Hyunwoo securely encouraged him as the leader of the band; the way Jooheon expressed his gratitude to him; and the way Minhyuk brings a spotlight to him.

He’s learned to love them; he’s learned to forgive them for what they’d done.

But, sometimes, a tension still lingered in the air among them, when someone brought up the past.

Jooheon and Minhyuk are the most apologetic, sometimes. They do everything they can to make him feel involved with the rest of the band, and Changkyun couldn’t be anymore grateful for it, because the days when sitting alone in the small, cramped space of the recording studio and feeling awkward were over. He no longer reminisced when Jooheon had confronted him in the middle of the studio in the middle of filming the survival show.

They promise they love him, and he loves them too. Really does.

Sometimes, they’d speak of things that happened before Changkyun joined them, and he’d sit in silence as he listened to the stories of the laughter they shared. In those moments, Minhyuk sat down right beside him and, away from the sight of the other members, he’d gently hold onto his hand and flash him a reassuring smile.

In moments like that, Changkyun reminds himself that those who were once his rivals were now his friends.

And Lee Minhyuk was his solace.

 

 

 

On stage, the older man stuck to him with bright smiles and brought the attention to him, cheekily teasing the fans by pulling at his clothes and pretending to strip him. Changkyun would flush with embarrassment and direct shy eyes away from Minhyuk, but the older man’s smile never seemed to fade. That was what was so amazing about Lee Minhyuk, and Changkyun found himself unable to do anything but love the older man.

It was as if Minhyuk was a bright light (the fans called him their _sunshine_ , and Changkyun couldn’t argue otherwise), directing the attention of the entire universe to Changkyun, as if telling them: _look, he’s amazing and he’s doing his best._ Changkyun’s always grateful to Minhyuk for that. Because, unlike the way the other members smothered him in love to assure him that they cared and loved him, Minhyuk chose to direct attention to him, when he was unable to grasp it——behind a stage persona, there was still just a young man, just dreaming to make it in show business.

The fans would always be his number one priority, because they were the reason he would be able to stand on the stage and make all of his dreams come true. But, on a smaller scale, with the members and all of the bonds they built with one another, he’s grateful to every single one of the members for what they do for him, but Minhyuk held a special part of his heart.

There are times when it’s more subtle, that love; sometimes, they’re off stage, getting dressed and Minhyuk stops what he’s doing to fix Changkyun’s wrinkled sleeve and he smiles at him. Other times, he steals that stain remover from Kihyun’s bag and removes a mark that Changkyun hadn’t even noticed. But, Minhyuk always had sharp eyes.

Minhyuk has never been one to hold back his affection for the members (that was a fact in the older man’s personality). But, whenever Changkyun doubted it, there was just something about the look in the older man’s eyes when he looked at him which silently made promises to Changkyun that he might just be something a little more than special to him.

There’s an unspeakable gravitational pull between the two of them, on both ends, slowly pulling them together and holding them there. Changkyun could never describe it aloud, but maybe he’d write lyrics about it, and Jooheon would just smile knowingly at him when he read over the words, as if there wasn’t a need to say anything for him to understand.

(And Changkyun would be left wondering how much Jooheon really knew.

Because sometimes, Minhyuk leaned over and whispered into his ear as if no one was looking.)

 

 

 

Sometimes, solace is something more than just holding his hand and flashing reassuring smiles at him.

There are times when that isn’t enough and Changkyun’s mind wreaked havoc on him, forcing him to believe something else. Some nights, Changkyun dreamed of terrible things and he would awaken next to Minhyuk (or curled up in the brunet’s arms) with no memory of actually finding his way to the older man.

And when the fans called Minhyuk an angel, they don’t know how right they are.

All the members provide him with the sense of feeling like he’s at home; _loved and accepted_. Other times, the jokes go too far but they’re always ready to apologize for their mistakes and rekindle their differences (because they know he’s still sensitive to their words because of the past). Minhyuk held his hand through the darker times. Minhyuk’s embrace felt like a thousand angel feathers wrapping around Changkyun’s body and soothing him of everything that ever dared to bother him. When he’d come back to South Korea, he hadn’t thought that following his dreams might guide him into the arms of an angel.

Sometimes, reassuring Changkyun that he’s loved comes down to late nights, curled up in bed together. Those nights are where Minhyuk is talking to him about his day and then he’s talking to him about how he feels, and then gentle, soft lips are pressed to Changkyun’s with a steady reassurance and Minhyuk’s telling him he loves him.

 

 

 

Tonight, it’s 1:26 AM and Changkyun can’t sleep. He’s tossing and turning in his bed until he can’t find a reason behind why he was still awake. Nothing seemed to shake it, whatever it was, off of his mind and nothing seemed to be able to push him back into an even breathing rhythm and the hush of a slumber. Tonight, finding his way to Minhyuk’s side is easy; his footsteps seemed to remember the path, even in the middle of the night when he dared not to flick on any of the lights.

They’re like two storms meeting in the middle of an open field; mass destruction finding solace in one another——but, whatever it was, Changkyun seemed to be able to even find the older man with his eyes shut. The gravitational pull between the two of them simply drew them together with a breathtaking calibre.

Minhyuk’s eyes are warm and inviting when the older man rouse from his slumber and recognized the presence beside him.

 _“Can’t sleep?”_ came the gentle whisper of Minhyuk’s voice.

His response is a wordless nod and Minhyuk pulled him into the bunk, arms wrapping around him and a soft, pleased sigh left the older man’s lips when he buried his face into Changkyun’s hair. There was a comfort with being in the taller man’s arms and Changkyun could never seem to explain it, because it came with Minhyuk. _Only Minhyuk._

Between them, there’s a wordless exchange, before Minhyuk pulled away and looked him in the eyes, concern filling the vocalist’s dark eyes. And then there’s a skip in the moment and of Changkyun’s heartbeat, when their lips suddenly meet, Minhyuk’s fingers curling into the back of his hair. There’s meaning in the kiss and Changkyun’s head is too clouded to decipher it, but he knows well enough that Minhyuk’s reassuring him of something he already knows; something he’d accidentally buried somewhere in his mind in the process of overthinking everything.

There’s the ghosting of movement in the middle of the room, a telltale shift in the air around them; and then it’s giving into the sway of the air around them, lending themselves to an unspoken passion (maybe to something neither of them completely understand). But, all they needed to know was one another, somewhere amidst synchronized breathing and heartbeats.

There’s a click, and then something cold, wet; and then a slow painful, burning sensation. It’s everything to Changkyun, as his fingers curled into the sheets and Minhyuk’s warm breath fanned across his neck. It’s staying hushed as to not wake the sleeping members in the room; and with the drag of a breathless moan from the back of his throat to escape from his lips, Changkyun knows what he’d been searching for.

Tonight, solace is this.

Tonight, Minhyuk is everything to Changkyun.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, feel free to find me on twitter @yuseokki.


End file.
